The Queen is Dead, by Kate Lock. Series: The Immortal Empire, Book 2

The Queen is Dead, by Kate Locke

Series:  The Immortal Empire, Book 2

2 second synopsis:    So.  In the last book, Xandra’s sister Dede went missing.  In this book, it’s her brother Val.  That said, we dive deeper in Xandra’s world where the political mechanisms are complicated by family, love and old loyalties.  Oh my god, I just made that sound boring.  Kids, this book is the antithesis of boring.  Xandra’s reluctantly coming to terms with being the queen of ‘her monsters,’ the goblins and all that entails.  Her werewolf alpha boyfriend, Vex, is getting pressure from his pack to gain Xandra’s alliance politically because Team Goblin always wins.  Nefarious medical experiments continue.  Betrayal.  Sly references to chicken from KFC.  You know, just your average awesome alternative-reality, alternative-history fantasy story.
 

2 second review:   Fabulous.  Fun.  I devoured this book.

Sex scenes:   It’s mostly fade-to-black kind of stuff.  Xandra and Vex’s relationship is established, as is their attraction to each other.  While I’m a fan of smut, I think it was wiser to focus on the meat of the plot, rather than naughty garnishes.  There’s still enough tension to keep me interested, and to keep it real.

Fight scenes:   Fabulous.  Xandra continues to grow in strength and her goblin abilities, which means fight scenes are both exciting because she’s whopping ass, and interesting, because she has to grapple with that new can of whop-ass.  There are all different types of fights, too.  You have the tension between the family members, teetering between I-love-you-you’re-my-friend and Albert’s-fangs-you-irritate-me-in-ways-only-interpretative-dance-can-express.  You have noble fights – Xandra saving a girl from five different attackers (which she hilariously compares to a boy band).  You have messy fights – bloody and quick.  Awesome.

Angst level:  Blessedly low.  You know I hate the whole “I love you can but we can’t be together because it’d be wrong/I don’t deserve you/you don’t know what you really want.”  Xandra loves Vex.  He loves her.  There are a whole host of complications of them being together, but they argue, they snipe, they make each other laugh, they flirt with each other.  With all the other crazy personal/political issues that go down in these books, it’s a relief to have something going (pretty) well for our characters.  


Things that irritate me:  Nothing.  These books are awesome.


Overall readability:   Extremely high.  Kate Locke is getting better – the jokes are funny, the characters interesting, the plot thick


Recommended?  Oh, definitely.  You should go read it now!

The Mane Event by Shelly Laurenston

 2 second synopsis:   This book is a two-fer - two stories in one book. 
Story 1:  She's the hard-bitten cop who broke his heart in junior high.  She's earthy with a grating Bronx accent and disproportionally huge breasts.  He's a wealthy lion shifter with a body that maintains its muscle mass through magic.   Can they solve the murder, and even more importantly, can he convince her to fall in love with him?

Story 2:  She's a hard-living wanderer who stole his heart.  She's earthy with a Southern accent and disproportionally huge feet.  He's a wealthy lion shifter with a body that maintains its muscle mass through magic.  Can he convince her to fall in love with him?  (I personally liked how she didn't even try to add a suspense subplot - it was all about the characters getting it on.)

2 second review:  It's called "The Mane Event."  You don't read it to better understand yourself or your place in the world.  But it's both smutty and surprisingly charming, a combination I adore.

Sex scenes: Frequent and fun.  You even see a little naughty role-playing in Story 2, which I never understand why romance novels lack.  (I think I just revealed some personal preferences there.)

Fight scenes:  Frequent and fun.  There's a lot of wrasslin' and tusslin'.  Story 1 has a longer fight sequence and that's because our cop lady is pretty much bad-ass.  (She hangs a hyena!  And evil, murderous hyena who was out to get her - I can't make this shit up.)

Angst level:   Low.  In both stories the boys frantically wonder how to ensure the women stay while the women freak out at the idea of commitment to sexy, ripped, wealthy men who worship them.  Yeah.  The angst is low.

Things that irritate me:  Surprisingly little.  I mean, I expected a book titled "The Main Event" to be supremely irritating.  It also has characters named Sissy Mae and her bff Ronnie Lee.  Ronnie Lee's brothers?  Ricky Lee, Rory Lee, and Reece Lee.  It's like it's daring me to be irritated.  But I just liked it. 

Overall readability:  Fairly high.  The 'southern accent' sometimes makes me feel a little crazy, but that's because I hate colloquial English.  (Unless it's me or my friends, in which case it's a charming innovation.)

Recommended?  Yes, if you're in the mood for froth (and I love froth).

Grave Witch by Kalayna Price

Grave Witch

Alex Craft Series, Book 1

by Kalayna Price

2 second synopsis:  Alexis, a "grave witch" (aka a necromancer in fantasy jargon) and a private investigator, stumbles upon a black magic serial killer.  She is attacked, and now must find the killer and SAVE THE WORLD. 

2 second review:  Okay, the world-saving snark wasn't warranted.  I liked this book.  It's a fast read, and there's good romantic tension between her, the mysterious Falin and the mysterious Death.  Yes, Death!  As a hot, walking, sentient character, not the noun.

Sex scenes: Yes, please, and thank you.  There's mind-blowing fantasy sex that's tinged with, you know, real person problems (are we just fucking?  What are we doing?  Fuck it, let's do it s'more.)  I like those kind of sex scenes because it's easier visualize than when characters talk about soul touching and whatnot (I'm looking at you, Shannon K. Butcher).

Fight scenes:  Pretty exciting.  Magic getting tossed around, souls getting consumed and sucked out.  Megalomaniacal villain with thankfully little dialogue - I hate the Scooby Doo soliloquies. 

Angst level:  middle-low.  Alexis has problems with commitment.  (See aforementioned love triangle.  Or would it be a love prism?  Since they're both looking at her?  Whatever.  I'm stopping now.)  There's none of that "I'm leaving you for your own good" bullshit I can't stand.  There's also some Daddy issues that have the potential to be an interesting exploration of family dynamics and identity issues, or just a big ole' stupid sloshy family reunion.  I'm rooting for the former.

Things that irritate me:  very, very minor - hair color

Overall readability:  Oh, definitely

Recommended?:  Yes.

Blue Moon by Anne Bourne

Blue Moon

by Anne Bourne

PARTIAL REVIEW.  Full disclosure - I just couldn't finish this book, guys.  It's a scrap of a novella, just under 200 pages.  I gave it 100.  And now I'm giving it a review.  Read at your own peril.

2 second synopsis:   The Little Mermaid

2 second review:  See 'Things that irritate me'

Sex scenes:  Hungry yet chaste smooches.  Sheesh, I hate the word smooches.

Fight scenes:  Stupid.  One mermaid gets her eggs cut out by the villian's extra-evil brother - nice shades of rape and torture without the raping.  I think.  They're mermaids, so it's kind of hard to tell, and the whole thing is ridiculous. 

Angst level:   Stupid.

Things that irritate me:  Before I get to the things that irritate me, you know what depresses me?  Bad reviews.  Giving bad reviews, specifically.  I mean, Anne Bourne is probably a very lovely woman.  She sat down and put her energy and love into creating this book, which is a beautiful thing.  That is far more than I can say for this book.

Look, I have a really high tolerance for riduculous plots, inane characters and lousy dialogue.  I write paranormal romance reviews because I read so many of them!  But even I have my limit, and I have hit this limit with Blue Moon.

Onward to the irritation - the main character is a virgin mermaid princess.  A simpering, pretty virgin mermaid princess (SPVMP).  When she looks at Gabriel, wow, does she sure get some funny feelings in her crotch!  Wow!  And a crotch is a new thing for the SPVMP, but wow!  And scary.  Crotches are so scary.  But wow!  And scary.

Gabriel - the leading man.  Handsome, dashing and a total air head.  His take on the SPVMP boils down to 'neato!'  The fact she's a princess?  Wow, well, gosh.  He should probably take her to a nicer restaurant, since she's THE SPVMP (emphasis on the last P).

Marcus and the rest of the cast - I can't.  I just can't.  Trust me, it's not good.   

Overall readability:   No.  Just... no.

Recommended?  Seriously?  Really?  Oh, good God, no.  Not even for snooty ironic fun.  It's just not fun.