Grave Witch by Kalayna Price

Grave Witch

Alex Craft Series, Book 1

by Kalayna Price

2 second synopsis:  Alexis, a "grave witch" (aka a necromancer in fantasy jargon) and a private investigator, stumbles upon a black magic serial killer.  She is attacked, and now must find the killer and SAVE THE WORLD. 

2 second review:  Okay, the world-saving snark wasn't warranted.  I liked this book.  It's a fast read, and there's good romantic tension between her, the mysterious Falin and the mysterious Death.  Yes, Death!  As a hot, walking, sentient character, not the noun.

Sex scenes: Yes, please, and thank you.  There's mind-blowing fantasy sex that's tinged with, you know, real person problems (are we just fucking?  What are we doing?  Fuck it, let's do it s'more.)  I like those kind of sex scenes because it's easier visualize than when characters talk about soul touching and whatnot (I'm looking at you, Shannon K. Butcher).

Fight scenes:  Pretty exciting.  Magic getting tossed around, souls getting consumed and sucked out.  Megalomaniacal villain with thankfully little dialogue - I hate the Scooby Doo soliloquies. 

Angst level:  middle-low.  Alexis has problems with commitment.  (See aforementioned love triangle.  Or would it be a love prism?  Since they're both looking at her?  Whatever.  I'm stopping now.)  There's none of that "I'm leaving you for your own good" bullshit I can't stand.  There's also some Daddy issues that have the potential to be an interesting exploration of family dynamics and identity issues, or just a big ole' stupid sloshy family reunion.  I'm rooting for the former.

Things that irritate me:  very, very minor - hair color

Overall readability:  Oh, definitely

Recommended?:  Yes.

Blue Moon by Anne Bourne

Blue Moon

by Anne Bourne

PARTIAL REVIEW.  Full disclosure - I just couldn't finish this book, guys.  It's a scrap of a novella, just under 200 pages.  I gave it 100.  And now I'm giving it a review.  Read at your own peril.

2 second synopsis:   The Little Mermaid

2 second review:  See 'Things that irritate me'

Sex scenes:  Hungry yet chaste smooches.  Sheesh, I hate the word smooches.

Fight scenes:  Stupid.  One mermaid gets her eggs cut out by the villian's extra-evil brother - nice shades of rape and torture without the raping.  I think.  They're mermaids, so it's kind of hard to tell, and the whole thing is ridiculous. 

Angst level:   Stupid.

Things that irritate me:  Before I get to the things that irritate me, you know what depresses me?  Bad reviews.  Giving bad reviews, specifically.  I mean, Anne Bourne is probably a very lovely woman.  She sat down and put her energy and love into creating this book, which is a beautiful thing.  That is far more than I can say for this book.

Look, I have a really high tolerance for riduculous plots, inane characters and lousy dialogue.  I write paranormal romance reviews because I read so many of them!  But even I have my limit, and I have hit this limit with Blue Moon.

Onward to the irritation - the main character is a virgin mermaid princess.  A simpering, pretty virgin mermaid princess (SPVMP).  When she looks at Gabriel, wow, does she sure get some funny feelings in her crotch!  Wow!  And a crotch is a new thing for the SPVMP, but wow!  And scary.  Crotches are so scary.  But wow!  And scary.

Gabriel - the leading man.  Handsome, dashing and a total air head.  His take on the SPVMP boils down to 'neato!'  The fact she's a princess?  Wow, well, gosh.  He should probably take her to a nicer restaurant, since she's THE SPVMP (emphasis on the last P).

Marcus and the rest of the cast - I can't.  I just can't.  Trust me, it's not good.   

Overall readability:   No.  Just... no.

Recommended?  Seriously?  Really?  Oh, good God, no.  Not even for snooty ironic fun.  It's just not fun.